Via Dolorosa
by limited sanity
Summary: Something is not right with Snape. He’s more withdrawn than he usually is and Dumbledore doesn’t know what to do about it. Who should he ask for help?
1. To err is human

Via Dolorosa  
  
Chapter 1: To err is human  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter or any of the other characters. That honour solely belongs to J.K. Rowling.  
  
Summary: Something is not right with Snape. He's more withdrawn than he usually is and Dumbledore doesn't know what to do about it. Who should he ask for help?  
  
Warning: This will most likely turn out to be SLASH so if that's not your cuppa, then don't read this. There will also be described depression, self- abuse and other such things. You have been warned!  
  
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Dumbledore was not, contrary to popular belief, all-seeing. He admitted that sometimes there would be something or someone that he overlooked in the big picture, and that had caused more than a few problems in his time. He would also admit, although rather reluctantly, that he tended to overlook certain actions that took place within the walls of Hogwarts. That sometimes, he would unofficially allow certain people to do things that they really shouldn't be allowed to do. One fine example of that would be none other than Harry Potter. More often that Albus cared to think about, he had looked the other way when the boy had acted foolhardily and without the slightest considerations of his actions.  
  
If you ever confronted Albus Dumbledore with his, he would, without doubt, justify his actions with saying that Harry Potter had acted the way a true Gryffindor would and that the boy only had had good intentions with his actions. Besides, nothing terribly bad had ever come out of it. If Harry hadn't acted quickly in his first year, Voldemort would have risen. In his second year he saved Ginny Weasley from a basilisk and again stopped Voldemort, or rather Tom Riddle, and so on it went.  
  
One other example, though not many people were aware of it, would be a second year Ravenclaw whose name shall remain anonymous. The boy had been abused by his parents since his early childhood, and had come to Hogwarts with the hope that someone could help him. Of course, the boy has been too scared and embarrassed to tell anyone about what had happened to him, but the signs were there for anyone to see. For anyone who had cared to look. Albus hadn't looked close enough, and the boy had ended up in St. Mungos with much damage. The Headmaster still blamed himself for that one.  
  
But no matter how much he blamed himself for the child's misfortune, he still didn't see all. For one, Harry Potter was still allowed to get away with too much, there were most likely still abused children among the students and then there was Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts.  
  
Albus had always had a soft spot for Severus, and that would probably explain why the man was allowed to terrorise the students and take away too many points from Gryffindor to justify. It would most likely also be the reason why Albus chose, more or less consciously, to overlook the fact that the Potions Master hardly had eaten a thing for as the past three months. Granted, Snape didn't usually eat a lot, he actually ate very little, but he had all of a sudden almost stopped eating altogether. He also barely got any sleep in a very long time, which was fairly obvious if one were to judge by the dark lines under his eyes. But Albus knew that he had put the man through a lot every week with the request, that Severus should spy on Voldemort and report back every time after he had been summoned to a meeting, and therefore he simply thought it wise to not question Severus' actions.  
  
Perhaps he should have.  
  
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Yes, yes. It's short, I know! There will most likely be a few other short chapters here in the beginning, but they will be longer as the work progresses.  
  
I would be very glad if you'd review;) Pretty please!?!?! 


	2. Contemplating and Denial

Via Dolorosa  
  
Chapter 2: Contemplating and Denial  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter or any of the other characters. That honour solely belongs to J.K. Rowling.  
  
Summary: Something is not right with Snape. He's more withdrawn than he usually is and Dumbledore doesn't know what to do about it. Who should he ask for help?  
  
Warning: This will most likely turn out to be SLASH so if that's not your cuppa, then don't read this. There will also be described depression, self- abuse and other such things. You have been warned!  
  
A/N: I would just like to thank all you wonderful people who took the time to review:)  
  
I also think that I should warn you all of the fact that I very often find myself in a heavy depression, and therefore will not be able to update any of my stories all that often. I tend to get a writers-block when I'm depressed. I sincerely apologise for not telling you all sooner, and I hope that you'll bear over with me.  
  
Okay, and now onto the long awaited chapter:  
  
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*Severus Snape's POV*  
  
Severus Snape sat in his private chambers and gazed unseeingly into the fire. He could feel and hear the loud protest that his stomach gave for not having had any food for the entire day, but he really couldn't care less.  
  
He sighed heavily and ran a thin hand through his black hair. How had his life come to this? Sometimes he wondered if he had been born a sad and depressed person, 'cause he couldn't for the life of him, remember the last time that he had actually felt good about himself. Well, except for the times that he had gone for two days in a row without eating; he always took a certain pride in knowing that he had enough willpower to stop eating, but he figured that most 'normal' people wouldn't understand what the Hell he was talking about, and take him for nothing more than a simple freak.  
  
But Severus Snape was so much more than simple. Oh yes, he was actually a very complicated man, if you ever bothered to look beneath the surface, and to be honest, not many people did. And he was rather thankful for that.  
  
He still remembered an incident back in his school days, when Lucius Malfoy had found out that he starved himself. Lucius had been his best friend at the time, and, as any good friend would, he started ranting and shouting at Severus. And after that he took it on himself to help his friend. To be precise he had said: "I refuse to let my best friend die over a fucking eating-disorder. Do you understand me, Sev? Come on, let's get something to eat!"  
  
Severus had felt like he had been hit with a hammer when Lucius had said 'eating-disorder'. He didn't have an eating-disorder, dammit!  
  
Or did he?  
  
He shook his head as he denied everything to himself. No, Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry didn't, under any circumstances, have an eating-disorder.  
  
He would admit to, if put under a lot of pressure, that he was what most people referred to as a cutter. Yes, he did indeed enjoy the times when he could be himself and simply let all his sorrows bleed away. He mostly preferred to cut his legs, since nobody ever saw how his legs looked, except for the few lovers he had taken through the years, and they had all been of that type that didn't find it unusual to se self-inflicted scars on people's bodies.  
  
On occasion, he would indulge in the pleasure of being able to cut his arms. But he did that very rarely, mind you, since there was much more of a chance for people finding out. The only things he ever cut into his arms where when he needed to write something; he had words like 'fat' and 'useless' carved across his thin arms, and even an 'Ana' and 'Mia' had snuck in there, but he couldn't remember when.  
  
Although he didn't believe himself to have an actual eating-disorder, both the terms, and thus meaning, of Ana and Mia had been a large part of his life.  
  
He leaned back into his chair and looked up at the ceiling.  
  
Yes, how had his life come to this, that he everyday had to count the calories of how much he ate and how many he lost be exercising?  
  
He had even reached the point, where he didn't feel comfortable unless he made a new cut every night, though most nights he was way too tired to do anything other than fall asleep.  
  
When he tried to remember what he had taught his students the day before, nothing but blurry pictures came to mind. He had to admit, even to himself, that he lived most days in a haze.  
  
The fire was beginning to burn out, and as the last light disappeared from his living room, he began to doubt whether or not he was actually alive.  
  
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Well, that was the second chapter. I hope you liked it, and if you feel offended by the contents then don't even bother to flame me, 'cause you've already been warned.  
  
But I would be very happy if some of you would review, 'cause I'm very uncertain whether or not this chapter is any good. 


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